We were standing just outside the entrance to the small country town hall this morning. Inside was a choir standing on the small stage singing gospel, and every seat in the house was taken, all white people, mostly Australian, and a lot of them were over sixty years old. No-one took notice of us, except the flies which had flown over from the local dairy farms.
Suddenly, in my mind, it’s 2009 and I’m back in New York and it’s my second last night in the city. A fellow backpacker and I walked around the city from around 6 pm to 5 am. One of the many adventures we had that night was going into a church in a warehouse, from which beautiful notes of happy gospel were coming out of and we were in awe! Once the singing stopped, a man walked from the front of the large building to our pew at the back, it was nearly a full house, and they welcomed us … we might have been the only white people in the building. They discovered that we didn’t speak Spanish, so hurriedly they informed the Pastor, who warmly greeted from the stage and changed his Surmon to English for the sake of our presence. It’s always stuck in my mind as such a welcoming and loving gesture … such a fuzzy and happy memory!
Back to the Australian gospel, slightly bored however knowing comparing the two gospels shall do me no favours, my mind wandered … Imagine if you could time-hop like I just had, but change things to according to what knowledge you have now?
…I am in my Doctor’s office a few years ago and he’s giving me a diagnosis and having an autoimmune disease. It plays out like this…
“Looking at your results and symptoms, I think you have
Rheumatoid Arthritis uniquely sensitive qualities. I’m going to prescribe prednisolone or methotrexate to you but beware of dangerous side effects.
Firstly, simply, I suggest you learn to realise just how sensitive your gut is – please become aware of how much stress you cause it by eating foods that it can’t digest easily. For you personally they are gluten, dairy, alcohol and sugar – and whatever you do, please don’t do juice cleansers! You’ll learn what it means to respect your self. Just as you respect your boss, your partner, your car, etc, you’ll learn to respect your body by getting to know what it needs and delivering on that out of love, from want, and with appreciation. You’ll fail at the next bit so many times, but like like a toddler who learns to ride a bicycle, persistence and accpectance of failing is absolutely essential – instead of seeing chocolate in the fridge and sneaking a cheeky bite, or snacking on whatever you want, you’ll learn to smile inwardly whilst reaching for the container of steamed vegetables and rice at mealtimes, because you’ll discover that each act of disrespect for your body is like a set of grubby fingerprints on the most pristine and exquisite glass sculpture you’ll ever know in this life.
Secondly, let’s discover what’s happened to you in life which might still be creating anxiety. Let’s journey back through time whilst in a quiet present moment – you’ll discover that your memory has it’s very own version of Netflix, and let’s watch at the blockbusters from your current adult perspective, and discover how it serves you now. We’ll uncover so much more than you anticipate, and with review by review, mind space will be freed up. You’ll come to learn the importance of letting go, and even more importantly, the appreciation for why it played out as it did.
Thirdly, you know how you’ve been told that you’re over-sensitive and sometimes just too emotional. Well, when you’re no longer experiencing brain fog and anxiety, and you regularly prioritise quiet time for yourself, you’ll learn to manage those feelings and discover they are one of your big meta-skills. It is not a personality fault. It’s what’s now called having a high EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient) and you’ll learn to recognize own emotions, plus separate them the feelings you experience of others, discern between different feelings and label them appropriately, use emotional information to guide thinking and behaviour, maintain boundaries, and manage and/or adjust emotions to adapt to various environments. You’ll also learn how to say No.
One other thing… you’ll learn to be congruent. Most importantly with yourself. You’ll learn that there are many aspects of your personality that talk to each other, and the manner of how that conversation goes is very important to observe. You’ll learn to witness this chatter, and then slowly provide a better environment (by following Step 1) for a more gentle and loving (Step 2) banter, and by then (after Step 3) you’ll enable inner laughter and feelings of freedom and good health to emerge.
The really tricky bit about healing is that it’s such a personal process! Your prescription varies greatly from everyone else’s, and just as I can’t take the pills for you, only you can walk your own path of healing. So, please stop looking for quick fixes and contracting the job of taking care of you and solving your problems out to ‘professionals’, because you’re the only true expert on yourself. Seek advice though when you require it. Please learn to take as much responsibility for as many of your thoughts and actions as possible. Be fierce in loving yourself!”
I’m very grateful for the experience of having being diagnosed with such a condition. It’s taught me much more about love and health than I ever bargained for. I’ve reached a point where it feels like the ‘healing’ label no longer applies to me. Now, I’m calling it ‘living and loving mindfully’ xxx